...

my friend Jenna died within the past day or so...right now i don't know exactly what happened...she was in a car, in Kentucky, near Cincinatti...i believe...i heard something about it possibly being heart-related, but what i've heard concerning that is fuzzy and i don't quite have a grasp on any of those details...my information's all 4th generation anyway...but i have sort of a weird conflict of emotions...for the most part it hasn't really hit me too hard...i haven't really even seen her in months, the better part of a year...and even then it was a few isolated incidents...the times i've seen her since she moved back from Wisconsin have been very few...which is sad, in itself...but now she's dead...and that feeling of recognition of this fact has been coming on and off since i heard about it tonight...and as i'm typing this and thinking about it, it's hitting me again...i started thinking about her and all this while typing and it all started to hit me the hardest since i'd heard the news...i don't know exactly what i want to say here...there's not much more i can say about the actual facts...it all comes to my emotions at this point and i'm not exactly sure what to make of them...i keep thinking about her more and more and it becomes more real...but i can easily go back to distancing myself from it all...it's really been so long since i've spent any time with her...i feel the need to say more, but i don't think i'm capable of it without repeating myself endlessly...i know i miss her terribly right now, but it's simply a weird thing missing someone you haven't seen much of in the past two years...it's been making me think a lot about James Bunn (which right now still haunts me even more...), i think i want to do a post about him at some point in the near future...that's a part of my life pre-dating the journal so it's never been mentioned here...i guess i'm finished talking about this for now, lest i tarnish her memory with redudant, banal drivel...or something like that...i don't know, anyway, i'm done here...

my own bland existence...

for some reason it seemed a good idea to separate the two...maybe for good reason, maybe it doesn't matter...but so it's been done...well, last night i had a nice surprise, luckily, right before i went to bed...i got a deaf-relay or whatever call (the perpetrator being Adam)...it was unexpected and i guess that's where most of the refreshing joy of it all came from...hrm...today my Wire: Send as well as the Metro, Chicago, 14th September 2002 cds arrived in the mail...when evening came i went over to Jacques and Amber's...we ate at Chili's and our waiter was a prick...i gave my first $1 tip since longer than i can remember...he had asked us the usual together or separate question, Amber said "we're together" kind've pointing at her and Jacques and i said "i'm separate" to which he replied to me "is that how it works?" in an extremely smarmy tone...i glared at him then he winked at me...fucking tool...the rest of the night was spent watching tv...this japanese movie Jacques got called Electric Dragon 80000V...then this bootleg of tv apperances of Kiss in the 70s...on pbs we caught the end of Tom Waits on Austin City Limits from the 70s i think...that was pretty cool, though far from his best period...well i guess that's the end of my crap-to-share...