In gratitude for impermanence
Sep. 5th, 2025 05:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rimrunnerAs I fed 15-year-old printed financial statements into the paper shredder, I found myself feeling grateful that nothing lasts forever.
A little over five years ago, right on the cusp of the COVID pandemic, I took a couple of trips back to the house I grew up in. My parents were finally preparing to sell it and move out west, precipitated by the need for a place with fewer stairs and closer proximity to their kids.
This meant getting rid of stuff. A lot of stuff. Some of it had been mine. For reference, I was in my mid-forties and had moved away permanently straight after college. I just hadn’t gotten around to getting rid of a lot of things, before I left for college or afterward.
Some of it belonged to my brother, and the rest to my parents. It’s harder to live light when you live in the same place for 45 years, I suppose. My family also has a propensity to collect things. Not necessarily particularly valuable or expensive things, just things that we like. It’s not a hoarding situation, not quite, but the reason I was feeding 15-year-old printouts into the shredder was that the stacks of paper in my home office in Seattle had finally become untenable. I’m one of those people whose brain feels cluttered when my space feels cluttered, and unfortunately I’m also one of those people who accumulates clutter.
The thing that’s finally getting me to do something about it is that we’re going to be moving. Not sure when, and the house we’re moving to will actually be bigger, but just the thought of moving all this stuff is exhausting (and faintly embarrassing, especially after having spent time in communities where entire families live in houses the size of my bedroom). When I was helping my parents get rid of stuff in preparation for their move (the staff at the nearest dump wanted to know if we were doing a major home renovation, we were there so much) I found myself wishing I had Marie Kondo’s phone number.
Later, I was wishing for it for myself. Instead of “Does this spark joy?” my guiding question became, “Do I love this enough to pack it into a box and move it?”
Like a lot of Americans, I have too much stuff. More than I could ever need or use. Much of my current endeavor is getting some of this stuff to people who could use it, or to places where people can find it (Ebay, for example, or area thrift stores or Buy Nothing groups).
But some of it, like those 15-year-old financial statements, isn’t going anywhere but the bin. (Seattle composts shredded paper, by the way—but don’t go crazy with quantities.) What’s also going in there is stuff I wrote back then. Some of it’s interesting, especially if it got revised and reused later in something that actually got published. A lot of it, though…well, let’s just say that I no longer have any doubt that I’ve improved as a writer, though even now I’m not composing deathless prose (and I definitely wasn’t back then).
If, as a book I reviewed for Library Journal earlier this year proposes, all of our lives and everything that we do is merely the universe attempting to hasten toward equilibrium, then I’m glad that at least that the mountain of stuff I’m digging through is temporal in nature. I’m weirdly delighted to uncover patches of carpet that I haven’t seen in months if not years.
And I’m really, really glad that my separation paperwork from when I got laid off from Amazon.com in 2000 is going to be fertilizing someone’s flowerbed in the coming months.
A little over five years ago, right on the cusp of the COVID pandemic, I took a couple of trips back to the house I grew up in. My parents were finally preparing to sell it and move out west, precipitated by the need for a place with fewer stairs and closer proximity to their kids.
This meant getting rid of stuff. A lot of stuff. Some of it had been mine. For reference, I was in my mid-forties and had moved away permanently straight after college. I just hadn’t gotten around to getting rid of a lot of things, before I left for college or afterward.
Some of it belonged to my brother, and the rest to my parents. It’s harder to live light when you live in the same place for 45 years, I suppose. My family also has a propensity to collect things. Not necessarily particularly valuable or expensive things, just things that we like. It’s not a hoarding situation, not quite, but the reason I was feeding 15-year-old printouts into the shredder was that the stacks of paper in my home office in Seattle had finally become untenable. I’m one of those people whose brain feels cluttered when my space feels cluttered, and unfortunately I’m also one of those people who accumulates clutter.
The thing that’s finally getting me to do something about it is that we’re going to be moving. Not sure when, and the house we’re moving to will actually be bigger, but just the thought of moving all this stuff is exhausting (and faintly embarrassing, especially after having spent time in communities where entire families live in houses the size of my bedroom). When I was helping my parents get rid of stuff in preparation for their move (the staff at the nearest dump wanted to know if we were doing a major home renovation, we were there so much) I found myself wishing I had Marie Kondo’s phone number.
Later, I was wishing for it for myself. Instead of “Does this spark joy?” my guiding question became, “Do I love this enough to pack it into a box and move it?”
Like a lot of Americans, I have too much stuff. More than I could ever need or use. Much of my current endeavor is getting some of this stuff to people who could use it, or to places where people can find it (Ebay, for example, or area thrift stores or Buy Nothing groups).
But some of it, like those 15-year-old financial statements, isn’t going anywhere but the bin. (Seattle composts shredded paper, by the way—but don’t go crazy with quantities.) What’s also going in there is stuff I wrote back then. Some of it’s interesting, especially if it got revised and reused later in something that actually got published. A lot of it, though…well, let’s just say that I no longer have any doubt that I’ve improved as a writer, though even now I’m not composing deathless prose (and I definitely wasn’t back then).
If, as a book I reviewed for Library Journal earlier this year proposes, all of our lives and everything that we do is merely the universe attempting to hasten toward equilibrium, then I’m glad that at least that the mountain of stuff I’m digging through is temporal in nature. I’m weirdly delighted to uncover patches of carpet that I haven’t seen in months if not years.
And I’m really, really glad that my separation paperwork from when I got laid off from Amazon.com in 2000 is going to be fertilizing someone’s flowerbed in the coming months.
Something calmer now
Sep. 5th, 2025 11:49 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
217/365: Callow Gas tanker
Click for a larger, sharper image
My last post was not an enjoyable one to write, and nor will its follow-up be in a couple of days, but as I said there I'd like to post some nicer stuff in between. It was happily a much drier day today, which meant I decided to get home from Kidderminster on foot (about four miles). Not the most interesting route, but it has its moments occasionally. I spotted this parked up on the edge of the A456 between Kiddy and Bewdley. It's operated by Callow Gas, a local LPG supplier. Although I do have mains gas, you don't have to go much further out of town before you start seeing homes with the distinctive large cylinders semi-buried in the garden. Not all are from Callow, but plenty are.
217/365: Callow Gas tanker
Click for a larger, sharper image
My last post was not an enjoyable one to write, and nor will its follow-up be in a couple of days, but as I said there I'd like to post some nicer stuff in between. It was happily a much drier day today, which meant I decided to get home from Kidderminster on foot (about four miles). Not the most interesting route, but it has its moments occasionally. I spotted this parked up on the edge of the A456 between Kiddy and Bewdley. It's operated by Callow Gas, a local LPG supplier. Although I do have mains gas, you don't have to go much further out of town before you start seeing homes with the distinctive large cylinders semi-buried in the garden. Not all are from Callow, but plenty are.
I was going to write about Judy Garland...
Sep. 5th, 2025 12:05 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
...and talk about how even now, the extent of her abuse by MGM is so often downplayed. You see things like "She had a tough time on The Wizard of Oz" as if it were simply hard work for her. I actually thought about that post ages ago. But then I went down a rabbit hole, as is all too easy to do online. I'm not a massive film person as most of you know, and so things like the fine details of how Alfred Hitchcock abused Tippi Hedren and wrecked her career were at least partly new to me. But then, while doing something else altogether, I happened across a detail that led me down a second and very disturbing rabbit hole.
I was reading about Elvis, and specifically his hit "All Shook Up", and in that article it says: "Future Last House on the Left actor David Hess, using the stage name David Hill, was the first to record the song". Now, I enjoy digging out original versions of songs that became more famous as covers, so that caught my eye. Wikipedia being the time sink that it is, I found myself clicking on David Hess's name to read about him -- when I saw he wrote music too, I was mostly curious about whether he'd written any hits (yes -- "Speedy Gonzales"). But that's where things started to get unpleasant.
Deep in the article on Hess, in the section about his part in the early Wes Craven horror movie The Last House on the Left, was this line: "A Method actor, he famously threatened to attack costar Sandra Peabody to get a more genuine reaction from her." That was it, nothing else. I didn't know this at all. It wasn't "famously" to me. I could easily have shrugged and passed on at that point -- but there was a citation for a 2000 book about the making of the movie, by a guy named David A. Szulkin. I didn't have the book (why would I?) and I would probably have left it there, except for one of those weird coincidences. Because a few days later, I saw that same book in a second-hand bookshop.
I didn't buy it -- it was too expensive and being sold as a collectible. But I remembered the Hess story and was curious, and I thought I'd see if this book had anything about it. I flicked through it to find Sandra Peabody's words. (I later discovered this is the only interview she has ever given about the film in all the 53 years since its release.) I was expecting the usual stuff about how the set was a mess, they had no budget, and a light-hearted recollection of the incident -- things like how Hess would wave a rubber knife around manically, she still giggled to remember it, it was a fun memory for commentary tracks and convention panels, you know how these things go.
No. Not this time.
And that led me down a second rabbit hole, the disturbing one I mentioned up top. Specifically, one about conditions during filming of The Last House on the Left back in 1972. As is probably already evident, I've never seen that movie. I nearly did once, back when I was young and stupid(er) and was at that time of life when you want to see shocking things just because, but something came up and I never did. Since then I've seen clips and stills as part of things like general documentaries about the evolution of the horror genre and in YouTube discussions of similar. I'm not a fan of slasher movies in general, but I can find background information interesting even regarding genres I don't follow.
Anyway, I read one article and then another, and another. I looked at Reddit posts and Twitter threads. I perused retrospective articles. I watched a few of the shorter YouTube videos about how the film was made. And one thing became more and more clear to me: this was way, way beyond "just how it was in the Seventies". Sandra Peabody had suffered for real during the making of this movie. I was relieved to discover that she'd since ended up in a different career and made a success of it, but I was not at all relieved when I got to the details of how she'd been mistreated on set. They were horrifying.
I've gone on for way too long already, and I'm getting upset, so I'm going to put the details of why I will never, ever watch the full film -- and why it needs a huge flashing asterisk every time it's blithely celebrated as a cult classic -- in another post. That'll probably be in two or three days, as I'm busy tomorrow and in any case I'd like to write about something more pleasant in between. But, suffice it to say, David Hess is (well, was; he died in 2011) one of the very few actors I truly despise as a person. And that is pretty much entirely because of Sandra Peabody's treatment while they were making The Last House on the Left.
...and talk about how even now, the extent of her abuse by MGM is so often downplayed. You see things like "She had a tough time on The Wizard of Oz" as if it were simply hard work for her. I actually thought about that post ages ago. But then I went down a rabbit hole, as is all too easy to do online. I'm not a massive film person as most of you know, and so things like the fine details of how Alfred Hitchcock abused Tippi Hedren and wrecked her career were at least partly new to me. But then, while doing something else altogether, I happened across a detail that led me down a second and very disturbing rabbit hole.
I was reading about Elvis, and specifically his hit "All Shook Up", and in that article it says: "Future Last House on the Left actor David Hess, using the stage name David Hill, was the first to record the song". Now, I enjoy digging out original versions of songs that became more famous as covers, so that caught my eye. Wikipedia being the time sink that it is, I found myself clicking on David Hess's name to read about him -- when I saw he wrote music too, I was mostly curious about whether he'd written any hits (yes -- "Speedy Gonzales"). But that's where things started to get unpleasant.
Deep in the article on Hess, in the section about his part in the early Wes Craven horror movie The Last House on the Left, was this line: "A Method actor, he famously threatened to attack costar Sandra Peabody to get a more genuine reaction from her." That was it, nothing else. I didn't know this at all. It wasn't "famously" to me. I could easily have shrugged and passed on at that point -- but there was a citation for a 2000 book about the making of the movie, by a guy named David A. Szulkin. I didn't have the book (why would I?) and I would probably have left it there, except for one of those weird coincidences. Because a few days later, I saw that same book in a second-hand bookshop.
I didn't buy it -- it was too expensive and being sold as a collectible. But I remembered the Hess story and was curious, and I thought I'd see if this book had anything about it. I flicked through it to find Sandra Peabody's words. (I later discovered this is the only interview she has ever given about the film in all the 53 years since its release.) I was expecting the usual stuff about how the set was a mess, they had no budget, and a light-hearted recollection of the incident -- things like how Hess would wave a rubber knife around manically, she still giggled to remember it, it was a fun memory for commentary tracks and convention panels, you know how these things go.
No. Not this time.
And that led me down a second rabbit hole, the disturbing one I mentioned up top. Specifically, one about conditions during filming of The Last House on the Left back in 1972. As is probably already evident, I've never seen that movie. I nearly did once, back when I was young and stupid(er) and was at that time of life when you want to see shocking things just because, but something came up and I never did. Since then I've seen clips and stills as part of things like general documentaries about the evolution of the horror genre and in YouTube discussions of similar. I'm not a fan of slasher movies in general, but I can find background information interesting even regarding genres I don't follow.
Anyway, I read one article and then another, and another. I looked at Reddit posts and Twitter threads. I perused retrospective articles. I watched a few of the shorter YouTube videos about how the film was made. And one thing became more and more clear to me: this was way, way beyond "just how it was in the Seventies". Sandra Peabody had suffered for real during the making of this movie. I was relieved to discover that she'd since ended up in a different career and made a success of it, but I was not at all relieved when I got to the details of how she'd been mistreated on set. They were horrifying.
I've gone on for way too long already, and I'm getting upset, so I'm going to put the details of why I will never, ever watch the full film -- and why it needs a huge flashing asterisk every time it's blithely celebrated as a cult classic -- in another post. That'll probably be in two or three days, as I'm busy tomorrow and in any case I'd like to write about something more pleasant in between. But, suffice it to say, David Hess is (well, was; he died in 2011) one of the very few actors I truly despise as a person. And that is pretty much entirely because of Sandra Peabody's treatment while they were making The Last House on the Left.
podcast friday
Sep. 5th, 2025 06:55 amsabotabbyUnlike most weeks when I hem and haw, there was no question this week when I saw the titles of these two episodes. Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff covered two of my favourite historical anarchist weirdos this week, one of whom I'm quite obsessed with. Each episode is a standalone despite the format, but you're going to want to listen to both.
The Surprising Stories Behind Foosball and Air Mail Part 1 is about Alejandro Finisterre, who for my money is one of the most interesting people who ever lived. A lot about his story brings happy tears to my eyes. He's best known for inventing foosball when he was a teenager, but (spoiler) he lived to age 87—outliving Franco and Spanish fascism—and did a whole bunch of other things, all of which are also cool as hell. He was a poet, publisher, and anti-fascist activist and also, from all reports, a lovely guy. Come for the foosball, stay for what's probably the best hijacking story of all time.
The Surprising Stories Behind Foosball and Air Mail Part 2 is about Nadar, who is most famous as the guy who took the first aerial photo and was one of the first celebrity photographers, but again, he did all kinds of other stuff. I actually did know about the hot air balloon thing during the Franco-Prussian War and the Siege of Paris, as well as his politics, but Margaret goes into a lot of detail about the many incredible things he got up to. Do yourself a favour and Google his photos if you haven't seen them, and then go and learn about his backstory.
The Surprising Stories Behind Foosball and Air Mail Part 1 is about Alejandro Finisterre, who for my money is one of the most interesting people who ever lived. A lot about his story brings happy tears to my eyes. He's best known for inventing foosball when he was a teenager, but (spoiler) he lived to age 87—outliving Franco and Spanish fascism—and did a whole bunch of other things, all of which are also cool as hell. He was a poet, publisher, and anti-fascist activist and also, from all reports, a lovely guy. Come for the foosball, stay for what's probably the best hijacking story of all time.
The Surprising Stories Behind Foosball and Air Mail Part 2 is about Nadar, who is most famous as the guy who took the first aerial photo and was one of the first celebrity photographers, but again, he did all kinds of other stuff. I actually did know about the hot air balloon thing during the Franco-Prussian War and the Siege of Paris, as well as his politics, but Margaret goes into a lot of detail about the many incredible things he got up to. Do yourself a favour and Google his photos if you haven't seen them, and then go and learn about his backstory.
Post from the Hospital -- fifth time in, this Summer
Sep. 4th, 2025 03:49 pmmaeve66My beloved Devlin is living at Ruby's... And, I fear and dread, learning to adore and love her, thinking I've permanently disappeared. A visit was tried, a few Skilled Nursing Facilities ago. It was a failure.
The icon is my actual titanium rod in my left leg, possibly making me able to walk again in six or so weeks with a lot of PT.
But things keep happening. I am in the hospital because of (near?) sepsis resulting from multiple UTIs. It's been a crazy ride. This is my eighth day and I wasn't aware of a lot of it, and fantasized some really strange shit for a lot of the rest of it until the last three days. I should be discharged (to yet another random Skilled Nursing Facility) tomorrow.
Here's hoping I'll get an opportunity to use my computer soon.
The icon is my actual titanium rod in my left leg, possibly making me able to walk again in six or so weeks with a lot of PT.
But things keep happening. I am in the hospital because of (near?) sepsis resulting from multiple UTIs. It's been a crazy ride. This is my eighth day and I wasn't aware of a lot of it, and fantasized some really strange shit for a lot of the rest of it until the last three days. I should be discharged (to yet another random Skilled Nursing Facility) tomorrow.
Here's hoping I'll get an opportunity to use my computer soon.
Turning over some old leaves
Sep. 4th, 2025 11:36 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
216/365: Oak leaves
Click for a larger, sharper image
Lots of rain today, albeit with sunny intervals between. The rain was quite heavy and prolonged in the morning, more so than anything we've had here (in daylight, anyway) for months. All the roads were still damp even after the sun had come out. I didn't need to go outside much, fortunately, but on a short walk during one of those sunny intervals, I grabbed a quick shot for the 365. It's not much, just some oak leaves drying in the sun after rain. We're not at the stage of beautiful autumn colours yet, but we'll see whether we get any kind of a show in a few weeks' time.
216/365: Oak leaves
Click for a larger, sharper image
Lots of rain today, albeit with sunny intervals between. The rain was quite heavy and prolonged in the morning, more so than anything we've had here (in daylight, anyway) for months. All the roads were still damp even after the sun had come out. I didn't need to go outside much, fortunately, but on a short walk during one of those sunny intervals, I grabbed a quick shot for the 365. It's not much, just some oak leaves drying in the sun after rain. We're not at the stage of beautiful autumn colours yet, but we'll see whether we get any kind of a show in a few weeks' time.
The other red cross...
Sep. 3rd, 2025 11:55 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
215/365: Shakespeare Inn, Bridgnorth
Click for a larger, sharper image
I was in Bridgnorth today, which isn't far but which I hadn't had cause to visit in a while. As usual, most of what I did was boring stuff, but in between the showers I did allow myself a bit of walking around the town. Here's the Shakespeare Inn, on the edge of the town centre and one of Bridgnorth's best known pubs. It was built in 1792 by Joule's Brewery. On the lamps by the front door and the hanging sign on the right-hand wall you can see Joules' red cross trademark. Since this pre-dates the symbol's modern use for the Red Cross, they have the right to continue to use it commercially – although they are forbidden from using it on a white dray, as that would count as impersonating an ambulance!
215/365: Shakespeare Inn, Bridgnorth
Click for a larger, sharper image
I was in Bridgnorth today, which isn't far but which I hadn't had cause to visit in a while. As usual, most of what I did was boring stuff, but in between the showers I did allow myself a bit of walking around the town. Here's the Shakespeare Inn, on the edge of the town centre and one of Bridgnorth's best known pubs. It was built in 1792 by Joule's Brewery. On the lamps by the front door and the hanging sign on the right-hand wall you can see Joules' red cross trademark. Since this pre-dates the symbol's modern use for the Red Cross, they have the right to continue to use it commercially – although they are forbidden from using it on a white dray, as that would count as impersonating an ambulance!
(no subject)
Sep. 3rd, 2025 03:57 pmlycomingstI have insomnia, but if I fall asleep I’m like the dead. Last night in the small hours, the cat decided to make his opinions known in a very loud voice and in great length, great length. The yowls worked their way into my dreams and then they woke me. Before sunrise.
I have a Discover card that I use about once a year just so they don’t cancel me. I went to the website to see when it was due and realized that I have changed my computer and my phone # since I was last on the site. They can’t send a confirming text to the phone to assure them that it’s my computer, since it’s the old number. This might devolve into the dreaded phone call to them.
I bought Sony ear buds to listen to Pandora on the phone when I’m in the backyard. They worked once, and now they won’t connect to the phone. I feel as though I need a degree in something (electronics? physics? astral projection?) to understand the problem.
So that’s my life.
I have a Discover card that I use about once a year just so they don’t cancel me. I went to the website to see when it was due and realized that I have changed my computer and my phone # since I was last on the site. They can’t send a confirming text to the phone to assure them that it’s my computer, since it’s the old number. This might devolve into the dreaded phone call to them.
I bought Sony ear buds to listen to Pandora on the phone when I’m in the backyard. They worked once, and now they won’t connect to the phone. I feel as though I need a degree in something (electronics? physics? astral projection?) to understand the problem.
So that’s my life.
sad dirty elder millennial commie seeks friends for virtual coffee
Sep. 3rd, 2025 04:29 pmmarycuntrarian posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
addmeName: Mary Cuntrarian or Kat, my real nickname. She/They
Age: near 40
I mostly post about: Right now my journal is new so I'm not exactly sure but I haven't written anything since about 2015. I'm mostly posting stream of consciousness thoughts and things that won't leave my brain like themes in fiction and in life. I might make my journal friends-only soon since that's a thing I can do and write things that are more personal because my life is sort of a mess at the moment and I need to write it out. I'm an artist and I've been putting a lot of effort into my art career recently so I know I'll be writing about my process and struggles there.
My hobbies are: I dabble in all kinds of painting and crafts, but mostly watercolor and ink. I crochet, do some embroidery, I'm relearning web design and have started making web pages as art and for fun. I used to play more video games but nothing has caught my interest lately but I have played Disco Elysium, Fallout 76, Stardew Valley, Breath of the Wild, some GTA Online, Animal Crossing (Pocket Camp, but it counts!) and other random rpgish games. I also have been playing a lot of Dungeons and Dragons lately, and I love coming up with characters! Trying to get back into writing, right now just blogging but maybe fiction and poetry soon. I don't know if I'll write fanfic, I have started making icons again and I think I'll have fully regressed into my old LJer self if I write fanfic again. Which might not be BAD.
My fandoms are: Currently I have some hyperfixations but I hesitate to call them fandoms in the old fashioned way. I'm less obsessed with things than I used to be but I will say my old fangirl tendencies have popped up a little again.
Right now I'm into The Matrix movies including Resurrections, Neo/Trinity might make me read fic again and I'm also watching Sense8 for the first time and I'm really liking it so I'm in a Wachowski Sisters kinda mood.
I love AEW wrestling and I'll list my favorite wrestlers for you if you care. lol
I'm also watching Legends of Tomorrow and almost done with it, pretty into it and I love Constantine.
I recently read the Southern Reach series and could talk about those books forever. Jeff Vandermeer and Edward Carey are my favorite living authors with Shirley Jackson being my favorite classic writer.
Music I'm fannish about is Lord Huron and Tyler the Creator. I'm into indie hip hop and I've gotten into riot grrrl music for the first time recently.
I'm looking to meet people who: Just want to talk and connect? No bullshit, just sharing random cool thoughts and ideas. I'm a stoner, can we start an internet blunt rotation? lol
I've seen a lot of people saying this online recently but I'm looking for that old internet feeling again. I made a Neocities page, I want to talk to people about shit again and not just tweet a few sentences and hope it gets likes.
My posting schedule tends to be: Sporadic as of late but I'm going to post more now that I'm here. I was posting on tumblr here and there but I felt like there were no conversations to be had there. I'm aiming for once a week at least.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: No bigotry, no terfs, no AI worshippers, MAGA-heads or generally fuckery. I'm basically a dirty commie and I'm not too afraid to talk about it so if that makes you uncomfortable oh well.
Before adding me, you should know: I'm currently struggling quite a bit in life, lost a lot of my agency and control because of lack of money, lost my apartment, and my general sense of self so I might talk about that at times. I'm disabled and queer, neurodivergent and cannot find a job to save my life and currently live with my partner and their family which is rough. If you don't want to hear about my personal bullshit from time to time, I'm probably not the person to follow.
Age: near 40
I mostly post about: Right now my journal is new so I'm not exactly sure but I haven't written anything since about 2015. I'm mostly posting stream of consciousness thoughts and things that won't leave my brain like themes in fiction and in life. I might make my journal friends-only soon since that's a thing I can do and write things that are more personal because my life is sort of a mess at the moment and I need to write it out. I'm an artist and I've been putting a lot of effort into my art career recently so I know I'll be writing about my process and struggles there.
My hobbies are: I dabble in all kinds of painting and crafts, but mostly watercolor and ink. I crochet, do some embroidery, I'm relearning web design and have started making web pages as art and for fun. I used to play more video games but nothing has caught my interest lately but I have played Disco Elysium, Fallout 76, Stardew Valley, Breath of the Wild, some GTA Online, Animal Crossing (Pocket Camp, but it counts!) and other random rpgish games. I also have been playing a lot of Dungeons and Dragons lately, and I love coming up with characters! Trying to get back into writing, right now just blogging but maybe fiction and poetry soon. I don't know if I'll write fanfic, I have started making icons again and I think I'll have fully regressed into my old LJer self if I write fanfic again. Which might not be BAD.
My fandoms are: Currently I have some hyperfixations but I hesitate to call them fandoms in the old fashioned way. I'm less obsessed with things than I used to be but I will say my old fangirl tendencies have popped up a little again.
Right now I'm into The Matrix movies including Resurrections, Neo/Trinity might make me read fic again and I'm also watching Sense8 for the first time and I'm really liking it so I'm in a Wachowski Sisters kinda mood.
I love AEW wrestling and I'll list my favorite wrestlers for you if you care. lol
I'm also watching Legends of Tomorrow and almost done with it, pretty into it and I love Constantine.
I recently read the Southern Reach series and could talk about those books forever. Jeff Vandermeer and Edward Carey are my favorite living authors with Shirley Jackson being my favorite classic writer.
Music I'm fannish about is Lord Huron and Tyler the Creator. I'm into indie hip hop and I've gotten into riot grrrl music for the first time recently.
I'm looking to meet people who: Just want to talk and connect? No bullshit, just sharing random cool thoughts and ideas. I'm a stoner, can we start an internet blunt rotation? lol
I've seen a lot of people saying this online recently but I'm looking for that old internet feeling again. I made a Neocities page, I want to talk to people about shit again and not just tweet a few sentences and hope it gets likes.
My posting schedule tends to be: Sporadic as of late but I'm going to post more now that I'm here. I was posting on tumblr here and there but I felt like there were no conversations to be had there. I'm aiming for once a week at least.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: No bigotry, no terfs, no AI worshippers, MAGA-heads or generally fuckery. I'm basically a dirty commie and I'm not too afraid to talk about it so if that makes you uncomfortable oh well.
Before adding me, you should know: I'm currently struggling quite a bit in life, lost a lot of my agency and control because of lack of money, lost my apartment, and my general sense of self so I might talk about that at times. I'm disabled and queer, neurodivergent and cannot find a job to save my life and currently live with my partner and their family which is rough. If you don't want to hear about my personal bullshit from time to time, I'm probably not the person to follow.
Reading Wednesday
Sep. 3rd, 2025 06:55 amsabotabbyJust finished: Do a Powerbomb! by Daniel Warren Johnson and Mike Spicer. I'll describe the plot of this comic to you and I suspect you'll have one of two reactions: 1) why the fuck would you read this? or 2) I must read this IMMEDIATELY. It was described somewhat in snippets by some goth-type person sitting on the far side of the table from me at a bar and I heard just enough that I had reaction #2.
So, this comic is about a girl who wants to be a pro-wrestler because her mother was basically the best. Only, no one will train her because her mother died in a ring accident. She's recruited into a tournament by a necromancer, and the prize for the tournament is that he will resurrect one person of the winner's choice. Only catch—it's tag-team, so she has to find the one person who will also agree to resurrect her mother if they win: the masked luchador heel who killed her mother. He agrees for reasons more complex, as it turns out, than guilt, so off they go to the necromancer's castle in space, only to realize that Earth is the only planet on which kayfabe exists; everywhere else, it's for real. The story ends with ( spoiler )
If you read that and went "fuck yeah! that sounds metal!" this comic is for you. I don't read many comics anymore but this is one of the best I've read in ages. IMO more stories should be about wrestling in a necromancer's space castle.
Currently reading: Notes From a Regicide by Isaac Fellman. This is the second one I've read by him and I think he's one of those authors who writes books that are very laser-targeted at my particular tastes. It's about a young trans man, Griffon, who was adopted at 15 by an older trans couple, Etoine and Zaffre, both of whom are artists. This is in some kind of far-off, post-climate collapse future; transphobia is definitely still a thing, and Griffon's biological father is a real piece of shit about it, but isn't quite expressed in the same ways. Etoine and Zaffre are originally from a city-state called Stephensport, ruled by a prince and frozen in time, and have come to New York as refugees/emigres. Their little family was happy together, but his adoptive parents don't talk much about their pasts. After their deaths, Griffon reads Etoine's diary, kept when he was imprisoned awaiting execution, to try to find out who his parents really were. Where I'm at now, Etoine has made a career as a portrait painter, starting with an "elector," who is some kind of undead woman who lives in the stone yard. Do I know what that is? No, but I am intrigued whether or not we find out.
Everything about this is fucking awesome. Fellman writes this deep-seated pain and ever-present threat of violence in a way that's poetic and reminiscent of 19th century literature, the descriptions are strange and comment on their own strangeness, and his worldbuilding is deft—just enough to make you intrigued and never at the risk of a lore dump or anything so prosaic as that. It's the antithesis of the cute queer found family story—yes, they are wonderful characters who I love immediately, but no one talks about their feelings or processes their trauma. I'm so into it.
So, this comic is about a girl who wants to be a pro-wrestler because her mother was basically the best. Only, no one will train her because her mother died in a ring accident. She's recruited into a tournament by a necromancer, and the prize for the tournament is that he will resurrect one person of the winner's choice. Only catch—it's tag-team, so she has to find the one person who will also agree to resurrect her mother if they win: the masked luchador heel who killed her mother. He agrees for reasons more complex, as it turns out, than guilt, so off they go to the necromancer's castle in space, only to realize that Earth is the only planet on which kayfabe exists; everywhere else, it's for real. The story ends with ( spoiler )
If you read that and went "fuck yeah! that sounds metal!" this comic is for you. I don't read many comics anymore but this is one of the best I've read in ages. IMO more stories should be about wrestling in a necromancer's space castle.
Currently reading: Notes From a Regicide by Isaac Fellman. This is the second one I've read by him and I think he's one of those authors who writes books that are very laser-targeted at my particular tastes. It's about a young trans man, Griffon, who was adopted at 15 by an older trans couple, Etoine and Zaffre, both of whom are artists. This is in some kind of far-off, post-climate collapse future; transphobia is definitely still a thing, and Griffon's biological father is a real piece of shit about it, but isn't quite expressed in the same ways. Etoine and Zaffre are originally from a city-state called Stephensport, ruled by a prince and frozen in time, and have come to New York as refugees/emigres. Their little family was happy together, but his adoptive parents don't talk much about their pasts. After their deaths, Griffon reads Etoine's diary, kept when he was imprisoned awaiting execution, to try to find out who his parents really were. Where I'm at now, Etoine has made a career as a portrait painter, starting with an "elector," who is some kind of undead woman who lives in the stone yard. Do I know what that is? No, but I am intrigued whether or not we find out.
Everything about this is fucking awesome. Fellman writes this deep-seated pain and ever-present threat of violence in a way that's poetic and reminiscent of 19th century literature, the descriptions are strange and comment on their own strangeness, and his worldbuilding is deft—just enough to make you intrigued and never at the risk of a lore dump or anything so prosaic as that. It's the antithesis of the cute queer found family story—yes, they are wonderful characters who I love immediately, but no one talks about their feelings or processes their trauma. I'm so into it.
haven't done this in a long time
Sep. 2nd, 2025 10:56 pmfinch posting in addmeName: Jack/Jackdaw
Age:44
I mostly post about: writing, life, parenting, school, work, sometimes politics, sometimes other hobbies
My hobbies are: writing, drawing, web stuff, reading, misc fiber arts
My fandoms are: at the moment, Fourth Wing with a side of the Untamed and All For the Game
I'm looking to meet people who: do interesting things, share interesting facts, recommend interesting books, etc... mostly I'm just looking to add some people to my friends page.
My posting schedule tends to be: sporadic. sometimes it can be multiple times a week, and sometimes I will absolutely forget dreamwidth exists.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: life is too short to deal with people who just want to argue with me. I'm trans and neurodivergent and pagan and a parent and if any of those would bother you, well, now you know.
Before adding me, you should know: two unrelated but occasionally controversial things: we're a plural system and we still mask in crowded public spaces. Neither comes up often on the blog but both have turned out to be dealbreakers for other people before.
on the cat distribution system
Sep. 2nd, 2025 08:55 pmrimrunnerMy cats have always been strays. The first one turned up under my then-roommate’s mother’s porch in Roswell, New Mexico, and of course for the rest of his life (about 19 years, give or take), we joked about that cat eventually rejoining his mothership someday.
The next one had taken up residence in a friend’s backyard in White Center, the neighborhood just south of where I lived in Seattle. After some attempt to figure out if he had a home, said friend put the word out that maybe said cat needed adoption. He was an unfixed ginger tabby (the cat, not the friend) who was about two years old per the vet but underweight enough that we’d thought he was younger. And he had ear mites and fleas.
The one after that turned up in a feral cat colony at a friend’s workplace. He was a three-month-old kitten who hadn’t been born there—the company provided food and TNR, so a new kitten would have been noticed. My friend thought he’d gotten lost or been dumped, and had gravitated to the colony due to his age and that domestic cats, even feral ones, will live more socially than their wild counterparts generally do.
And then, about a month ago, a kitten took refuge in our woodpile.
“What do we do?” my husband texted, along with a photo of said kitten rolling around on his shoe like she’d just found her long-lost mom.
“Take her in, of course!” This is how nearly everyone I’ve told this story to has responded, and it is what we ended up doing. The woodpile in question is in a pretty remote location, a far enough distance from the nearest houses that while adult cats that clearly belong somewhere do roam the area, it’s a long way for a kitten barely out of the weaning stage to venture. It’s also, always, possible that she was dumped. Her friendliness toward people and ready understanding of the litter box suggests that she wasn’t born feral. But we don’t really know.
That’s always the difficulty with stray cats—we don’t have any way of knowing their stories, though we can make educated guesses based on behavior, health, and where they’re found. None of the cats we’ve taken in had collars or chips to aid in finding whatever homes they might have had, but that doesn’t always mean much. A cat not normally let outside might well not have those things, and plenty of people never get around to it even for pets that are allowed to roam.
Cats have a way of finding their own homes. Two households that I’m friends with have joked that they bought six-figure cats and got a house thrown in for free. In some parts of the U.S. it’s still the norm for people to let their cats outside to wander at will, and some of these cats will hang around multiple households; when I was a kid, there was an orange Manx who was friendly with many houses in the neighborhood. The danger of jokes like the Cat Distribution System is that you can’t readily assume that a cat who shows up at your door, or in your yard, or in your woodpile, doesn’t have a home.
On the other hand, sometimes they really don’t. Cats wander off, or get lost, or get scared, or get dumped. Plenty never have homes among humans in the first place. It’s why all my cats have been strays; I can’t give every cat a home that doesn’t have one, but I can give homes to the ones who’ve come to me, and that lack them. In every case, I try to ascertain—through lost pet posters, social media posts, asking around, checking for ID chips—that that’s really the case.
The next one had taken up residence in a friend’s backyard in White Center, the neighborhood just south of where I lived in Seattle. After some attempt to figure out if he had a home, said friend put the word out that maybe said cat needed adoption. He was an unfixed ginger tabby (the cat, not the friend) who was about two years old per the vet but underweight enough that we’d thought he was younger. And he had ear mites and fleas.
The one after that turned up in a feral cat colony at a friend’s workplace. He was a three-month-old kitten who hadn’t been born there—the company provided food and TNR, so a new kitten would have been noticed. My friend thought he’d gotten lost or been dumped, and had gravitated to the colony due to his age and that domestic cats, even feral ones, will live more socially than their wild counterparts generally do.
And then, about a month ago, a kitten took refuge in our woodpile.
“What do we do?” my husband texted, along with a photo of said kitten rolling around on his shoe like she’d just found her long-lost mom.
“Take her in, of course!” This is how nearly everyone I’ve told this story to has responded, and it is what we ended up doing. The woodpile in question is in a pretty remote location, a far enough distance from the nearest houses that while adult cats that clearly belong somewhere do roam the area, it’s a long way for a kitten barely out of the weaning stage to venture. It’s also, always, possible that she was dumped. Her friendliness toward people and ready understanding of the litter box suggests that she wasn’t born feral. But we don’t really know.
That’s always the difficulty with stray cats—we don’t have any way of knowing their stories, though we can make educated guesses based on behavior, health, and where they’re found. None of the cats we’ve taken in had collars or chips to aid in finding whatever homes they might have had, but that doesn’t always mean much. A cat not normally let outside might well not have those things, and plenty of people never get around to it even for pets that are allowed to roam.
Cats have a way of finding their own homes. Two households that I’m friends with have joked that they bought six-figure cats and got a house thrown in for free. In some parts of the U.S. it’s still the norm for people to let their cats outside to wander at will, and some of these cats will hang around multiple households; when I was a kid, there was an orange Manx who was friendly with many houses in the neighborhood. The danger of jokes like the Cat Distribution System is that you can’t readily assume that a cat who shows up at your door, or in your yard, or in your woodpile, doesn’t have a home.
On the other hand, sometimes they really don’t. Cats wander off, or get lost, or get scared, or get dumped. Plenty never have homes among humans in the first place. It’s why all my cats have been strays; I can’t give every cat a home that doesn’t have one, but I can give homes to the ones who’ve come to me, and that lack them. In every case, I try to ascertain—through lost pet posters, social media posts, asking around, checking for ID chips—that that’s really the case.
Just a quick post tonight
Sep. 2nd, 2025 11:50 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
214/365: Nissan Figaro
Click for a larger, sharper image
This was another day when I had very little time to myself, although it was merely busy rather than actually unpleasant. Here's a Nissan Figaro in the car park by Sainsbury's. They were pretty popular in the UK for a while and grey-imported in their thousands, but it's quite rare to see one now.
214/365: Nissan Figaro
Click for a larger, sharper image
This was another day when I had very little time to myself, although it was merely busy rather than actually unpleasant. Here's a Nissan Figaro in the car park by Sainsbury's. They were pretty popular in the UK for a while and grey-imported in their thousands, but it's quite rare to see one now.
New Green Party leader in England & Wales
Sep. 2nd, 2025 08:17 pmloganberrybunnyPublic
Zack Polanski has won the ballot, with a big majority (over 80%) but a fairly poor turnout (about a third). That would seem to cement the direction of the Greens now as an explicitly radical left-wing party, closer to the Corbyn/Sultana vehicle than anything else. We'll see what happens, but in this part of the world -- where they have an MP in North Herefordshire -- I think they're quite likely to lose a lot of ground. The Greens around here are much more the traditional kind, moderate and localist, who will share the anger about river pollution and might even back water nationalisation on the grounds the current companies have failed. What they won't be receptive to is "Smash the bosses!" class war-style narratives. They'll also be actively put off by too much talking about Palestine -- not because they "love Israel" as the siller social media types have it, but because they believe environmentalism should be the issue for the party, not necessarily wider issues of social justice.
The Lib Dems are surprisingly weak in North Herefordshire -- they lost their deposit at the general election -- which means an obvious alternative home for these voters is less likely than perhaps you'd imagine it to be. Traditionally people in those areas have been moderate, old-fashioned Conservatives -- but that version of the Tories has been more or less destroyed by its own national leadership. Who now is a centrist Green voter who sees climate change as a huge issue but doesn't consider themselves a left-winger to vote for? The answer to that question -- whether they stay in a party that's set to be radical in ways that they really are not, or whether they look elsewhere -- is likely to have quite a bearing on politics in the Marches.
Zack Polanski has won the ballot, with a big majority (over 80%) but a fairly poor turnout (about a third). That would seem to cement the direction of the Greens now as an explicitly radical left-wing party, closer to the Corbyn/Sultana vehicle than anything else. We'll see what happens, but in this part of the world -- where they have an MP in North Herefordshire -- I think they're quite likely to lose a lot of ground. The Greens around here are much more the traditional kind, moderate and localist, who will share the anger about river pollution and might even back water nationalisation on the grounds the current companies have failed. What they won't be receptive to is "Smash the bosses!" class war-style narratives. They'll also be actively put off by too much talking about Palestine -- not because they "love Israel" as the siller social media types have it, but because they believe environmentalism should be the issue for the party, not necessarily wider issues of social justice.
The Lib Dems are surprisingly weak in North Herefordshire -- they lost their deposit at the general election -- which means an obvious alternative home for these voters is less likely than perhaps you'd imagine it to be. Traditionally people in those areas have been moderate, old-fashioned Conservatives -- but that version of the Tories has been more or less destroyed by its own national leadership. Who now is a centrist Green voter who sees climate change as a huge issue but doesn't consider themselves a left-winger to vote for? The answer to that question -- whether they stay in a party that's set to be radical in ways that they really are not, or whether they look elsewhere -- is likely to have quite a bearing on politics in the Marches.
i mean lots of complaining that it hasn't rained
Sep. 2nd, 2025 12:58 pmkeplers_angels posting in addmeName: Keplers_angels. I answer to Trudy, but it's not my name.
Age: 46
I mostly post about: I mostly write to make myself real. And to stun people with my wordery. To give consolation. (or wound) And to figure it out.... Been journaling a long time so there are shifts in topic climate but generally it's a lot of poetry and poeticity on sex and angst with smatterings of perimenopause, breastlessness, and feminism, interpersonal relationships... what to do with my life?! existential and metaphysical drama.... I don't shy away from much-- I come to confess. There will be adult content. There may be mathematics, politics, pain, complaints and exhortations, poems and poems and poems and lots of complaining that it hasn't rained. (In general though, my posts are usually much more readable than this is.)
My hobbies are: This. This is my hobby. Outside of work, which is a whole thing, this. I write. I try to make myself submit poems to stuff. I read books, I waste untold hours on fb, I'm learning to sext, I practice yoga, I over analyze things and am pretentious and arrogant except when I'm in joyful denial or drowning in insecurity. In short, I tell the truth about myself -brutally- but I'm not a very reliable narrator.... what was the question again?
My fandoms are: I don't fandom here. But I lived very happily in Man From UNCLE fandom for most of a decade. It saved my life. Sometimes I'll still do an erotic little fandom vignette but fandom's not why I'm here.
I'm looking to meet people who: write similar, or completely different, kinds of things. Mostly I'm looking for my early aughts LJ experience back. I want people who write with emotion and who will read and comment on my posts as I will read and comment on theirs. If you're not going to read your friends page then I don't want you on mine.
My posting schedule tends to be: In 2025 it's been pretty every-day-ish. (at least weekly, usually more) Which pleases me and I hope it will last. I am not *as* punctual with my friends page and comments but I always catch up-- weekly give-or-take.
When I add people, my dealbreakers are: stalking. violating my privacy or anonymity. I'm not opposed in principle to friends of different belief systems to mine but of course, we all have limits, and I'm not going to censor my own posts to avoid those kinds of things. Content wise, if you post something I can't abide, I'll unfriend. But I don't like my echo-chamber to be too constrictive.
Zoom alternative!
Sep. 2nd, 2025 11:41 amioplokonI've been increasingly annoyed at Zoom kicking me off calls after 40 minutes and finally started looking at alternatives. I recently had a great experience with Framatalk (a project among others!) , a browser-based version of Jitsi Meet. It has clear audio & video, plus screen sharing. The one irony is that screen sharing only fully works on Chrome, when the whole mission of the Framasoft suite of tools is to "DeGoogle the Internet" (for what it's worth, I believe this is a problem on the Firefox side rather than the Jitsi side. I want to experiment with the desktop version of Jitsi meet, but it looks like this isn't really supported anymore.
But for simple video calls where you don't need to screen share with audio, Framatalk (a project among others!) is a really serviceable, free tool.
But for simple video calls where you don't need to screen share with audio, Framatalk (a project among others!) is a really serviceable, free tool.
PSA for Americans re: Covid vaccines
Sep. 2nd, 2025 11:14 amjoThe following links are via Dr. Lucky Tran on Bluesky (@luckytran.com) -- worth following if you're on Bluesky:
CVS holds off on offering Covid vaccinces in 16 states (note -- this is a NY Times article that is paywalled, so the link is archived so you can read it)
States consider regional approach to vaccine guidance after CDC changes
CVS holds off on offering Covid vaccinces in 16 states (note -- this is a NY Times article that is paywalled, so the link is archived so you can read it)
States consider regional approach to vaccine guidance after CDC changes
(no subject)
Sep. 2nd, 2025 06:46 amrevelunaire posting in addmeName: Katie
Age: In my 40s.
I mostly post about: I mostly post about life, work, going to school, my writing, concerts, music, the sims, graphics, and book reviews.
My hobbies are:reading, writing, the sims, hiking, concerts, hanging with family and friends
My fandoms are: I am not in any fandoms. I used to be in LOST. I am more into music which is Jamie Cullum, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Britney Spears, Fall Out Boy and a lot more.
I'm looking to meet people who: Those with similar interest
My posting schedule tends to be: I don't have a schedule.
When I add people, my deal breakers are: People who aren't nice to others, racists, fascist, bigots
Before adding me, you should know:I do not add minors.
August reading
Sep. 1st, 2025 11:34 pmmicrobieI started off strong but then got bogged down in a book, Kitsch: The World of Bad Taste, which has more philosophy than I was expecting. I should have finished it during the week off, because it's too much to read after work.
The Life of Herod the Great, Zora Neale Hurston
Hurston was working on this book when she died, so it has the roughness you might expect from an unfinished work. Hurston portrays Herod as a nearly perfect person: an exemplary athlete, soldier, scholar, and king. She wanted to correct the Christian narrative of Herod as a mentally unstable tyrant (e.g., there is no evidence for the so-called massacre of innocents during his reign). Hurston did a lot of research to write this novel, and the best parts of the book were about life in Judea in this period (Herod, as written, was dull in the way that perfection often is). I'll have to read her other historical fiction, Moses, Man of the Mountain.
Babylonia, Costanza Casati
Another historical fiction, this one about a queen, Semiramis, the only female ruler of Assyria. It was another good escape from reality, although the battle scenes were gruesome and the love triangle between Semiramis and two half-brothers, Onnes and Ninus, seemed a bit far-fetched. Still, it was an absorbing story with a strong female lead and a change of pace from more common Greek mythology. [There seems to be no end to the retellings of The Odyssey etc.; Casati's first book was Clytemnestra]
The Black Swan Mystery, Tetsuya Ayukawa (translated by Bryan Karetnyk)
I don't know whether it counts as noir, but there was definitely a bleak undercurrent in this murder mystery set in postwar Japan. I enjoyed it but was surprised that it ends abruptly. The detectives offer their theory of who did it and why, the story briefly switches back to the alleged killer meeting someone for lunch, and the end.
The Life of Herod the Great, Zora Neale Hurston
Hurston was working on this book when she died, so it has the roughness you might expect from an unfinished work. Hurston portrays Herod as a nearly perfect person: an exemplary athlete, soldier, scholar, and king. She wanted to correct the Christian narrative of Herod as a mentally unstable tyrant (e.g., there is no evidence for the so-called massacre of innocents during his reign). Hurston did a lot of research to write this novel, and the best parts of the book were about life in Judea in this period (Herod, as written, was dull in the way that perfection often is). I'll have to read her other historical fiction, Moses, Man of the Mountain.
Babylonia, Costanza Casati
Another historical fiction, this one about a queen, Semiramis, the only female ruler of Assyria. It was another good escape from reality, although the battle scenes were gruesome and the love triangle between Semiramis and two half-brothers, Onnes and Ninus, seemed a bit far-fetched. Still, it was an absorbing story with a strong female lead and a change of pace from more common Greek mythology. [There seems to be no end to the retellings of The Odyssey etc.; Casati's first book was Clytemnestra]
The Black Swan Mystery, Tetsuya Ayukawa (translated by Bryan Karetnyk)
I don't know whether it counts as noir, but there was definitely a bleak undercurrent in this murder mystery set in postwar Japan. I enjoyed it but was surprised that it ends abruptly. The detectives offer their theory of who did it and why, the story briefly switches back to the alleged killer meeting someone for lunch, and the end.