use the word "FUCK"

Sonic Youth played a secret show at the Hi-Tone last night and i didn't fucking know anything about it...i was wondering if they'd play a secret show here (as they've done in the past) but i figured i'd find out about it through my stupid fucking nerd internet connections...but apparently you just have to be a hip scenester and hang out w/ the ppl who work at the record stores and the fucking shitty clubs like the Hi-Tone to know about any decent shows...not actually care about the fucking band...i noticed driving by the Hi-Tone yesterday that Shelby Bryant was playing and thinking to myself that a bunch of ppl prob'ly aren't going to see Sonic Youth to go see him...then when i found out it clicked, that he opened for Sonic Youth...he's on Smells Like Records, Steve Shelley's label...as were The Clears (his former band), and while they were good, his solo stuff is pretty fucking bland...and i'm sure a bunch of ppl went to see him and then left, like they did when he opened for Two Dollar Guitar last year...and i'm sure a bunch of fucking hipsters went to the show, and, as hipsters tend to do, were seen (the whole point of going to shows, right?), drank, and talked through the whole fucking show...i wish i could express how utter fucking angry i am right now...i wish i could possibly...i can't even think of anything to say after that but what i just wrote in the last sentence...i hate scenesters...i fucking HATE them...right now i'm completely filled with nothing but pure fucking hatred...i guess i should change my whole approach...i should start viewing shows as an social opportunity instead of going for the fucking MUSIC...i shouldn't pay attention anymore...then i'd know about all the great shows...i should be a cool fucking hipsters...although if that were the case it wouldn't matter who i was seeing anyways, as i wouldn't care in the first place...but i'd be there and i'd get my fucking cred or whatever the fuck...i don't even think they care about that...just getting drunk and hanging out...like fucking fratboys..."we're geeks" FUCK YOU! I'M a geek! i fucking invest far too much of my time and money in this band...i care about this band than i care about most anything else in the fucking world...i'm an obsessed fucking loser, i deserve to be at that show than all of those other fuckers, hip or not...(yes, i'm sure i sound elitist, but i don't give a fuck...i really have a right to be elitist in this case...and it's the only case i'm sure i have that right in, so i might as well fucking make use of it...) and i was a little (a LITTLE) upset that the memphis in may show was just a "hits" show, but now i see they were doing the "hits" for the big festival crowd and then prob'ly playing cooler stuff for the cool crowd (who mostly didn't deserve it as well...) and i know they can't have a bunch of teenyboppers cramming a small club (and i know it's cool to play small clubs too some) but fucking scenesters can be just as bad as the fucking teenyboppers...often the only fucking difference (as well as in the scenesters to fratboys analogy) is the scenesters use the fucking word "indy"...but that's all it is, a goddamned fucking word...they were fucking geeks or whatever, but instead of embracing this, they get into a smaller subgenre and exploit so they can be the cool fucking dudes they wished they could be in high school but never good but pretnded to be glad they're a geek so they wouldn't have to face reality, but they moment they get a chance to all hip and shit, they fucking jump on it, while still trying to fake a fucking facade of being a social outcast or whatever...just 'cuz they're too fucking lame to not be and they're too fucking lame to accept what they are...have i gone too far off subject? i'd like to think not...i just wish they could've posted it to the newsgroup...as the newsgroup is a place where their FANS go (and it's not like its an immensely crowded "place")...as opposed to merely telling the club ppl and the record stores or whatever...as that's imformation that gets spread to the HIPSTERS...who are NOT necessarily fans...being more "underground" means shit...just hanging out w/ the right ppl, instead of spending time on the internet trying to find out this kind of information about the band you so love...fuck it...and top it off, i found out about the show today from my friend Justin (a former fratboy who hates Sonic Youth...apparently someone he knows went or something...) bah...i'm sure i've made my point 100 times over...and sure this means shit to any of you...and i sound like a whiney little brat...but i don't give a fuck...this means a fucking lot to me...and i'm sure that's fucking pathetic, but i don't care...i know i'm fucking pathetic...i accept that...and i'm sure this all sounds like cheesy stupid fucking teen angst...i dont' give a fuck...i am not an angsty person...this isn't just misdirected generic fucking anger, unleash at everything 'cuz my fucking hormones are changing...as i said, this is something that means a LOT to me...something i fucking care a LOT about...this very much has a fucking purpose...this is VERY directed...but anyways...i just hope everyone that went to the show chokes...just a little bit...

to kill my sister

the stupid bitch was supposed to have brough my mom's car back home today, so i could get the oil changed as we're supposed to be taking it to Chicago tomorrow...(she's had the car for many weeks...it's been past due for a change long ago, and does she even have the slightest consideration to fucking ever get it changed herself...she was actually supposed to bring it to me so i could get it changed a few weeks ago...stupid fucking bitch...it pisses me off what a fucking little brat she is...it's too much trouble for her to even fucking return the car so someone else can fucking change the oil on the car she fucking drives around everywhere...) but anyways...

i did start doing actual driving yesterday...i enjoy it quite a bit...two stories: i delivered a pizza to the CBU dorm...i get there and the guy's not in his fucking room...someone who knows him saw me and helped me look for him...he was pretty cool...then we found him...went back to the room and i got a nice 15 cent tip for having to search for his stupid cunt ass...the small tip wouldn't bother me if it weren't for him being such a stupid cocksucker...then this other delivery i made to this house on Central...i didn't know it was split like a duplex or anything...i went in the porch and rang on the first door...and knocked...there was an insane old lady sitting on a chair watching tv...she wouldn't come to the door she just kept yelling at me...but i couldn't hear what she was saying...then after a while i realized the other door was another living thing...something like that...i dunno exactly how it worked, but there were some other ppl in that side and i knocked there (the only doorbell was on the other door) and they answered and bought the food and stuff...those are my two exciting work stories...yay...

saturday: my first working day...in which i trained...drove around w/ Tony...a guy who works there...then after work i went over to The Apartment...Jacques had seen a certain PlayStation game at Wal-Mart earlier...he looked it up and then realized that it was a $10 game and realized it had just been put on the wrong shelf or whatever...well, Wal-Mart's open 24 hrs...so we decided to be stupid and drove out to Raleigh...there, i bought: some cheesy 'raunchy' mexican comedy from the 80s (El Mofles y los Mecanicos)...as well as the spanish version of Como Agua para Chocolate (not dubbed or subtitled...), a really really good movie...they have a spanish section there...it's mostly bad american action movies...but they're all subtitled and not dubbed...and i REALLY want a dubbed version of a Van Damme movie...oh well...one day maybe they'll get one...i also got the latest issue of Jane (where they interview Thurston Moore about their house in MA...) and Jacques got it: Kiss Pinball!!! THE shittiest game ever made...i think the review gave it an "awful" or some other such adjective...it's one of the el-cheapo $10 games...it seems like they put less effort into it than that deserves...there's two levels you can "rock"...the graphics are utterly hideous...there's not even any Kiss music in the game...although Gene and Paul do some sound samples...it plays like it's a vertical pinball machine...(like NES Pinball, though not as cool...as that's the best pinball game ever...) the play's shitty...every once in a while it'll randomly stall for a split second...and when you get multiple balls on the screen it slows down...it's the best fucking thing ever! it's so fucking hilarious...and the "stories" for each level are great...in one they, say (i shit you not) "lock balls with Gene's tongue"...we almost died when we saw that...and the other level says something about getting a "drum solo or guitar frenzy" or something...rock...yea...we were up laughing at that...that's why i only got 4 hrs of sleep that night...i'm done now though...