and now...the whole story...

[ateolf]

okay, i don't even know where to begin w/ this...if either Keith or Kerry happen upon this, i hope you read it all too...well, if you may have noted from my private post the other night, i've had a thing for Kerry for the past few months...maybe it was just a stupid crush, but whatever the case is, i've been torturing myself for these past few months over her...Keith knew this, but ever since he crawled back to us, his "friends," from his ex-wife after months of abandoning us and WE graciously took him back w/out hesitation, arms open wide, he's been trying to put the moves on her...he KNEW what i was going through...once, just a few fucking days ago even he said to me "you're kicking your ass over her. you're a good guy, you don't deserve to have your assed kicked, especially by yourself" ...ironic that he should rip my fucking heart out...he called today, something to do w/ work...i was being distant 'cuz i've been suspicious to say the least...he asked if i needed to talk, if something was bothering me...it finally got out and i told him "i know what you're trying to do" "what do you mean?" (jesus) "w/ Kerry" then he said something about them not wanting me to know but wanting to be "honest"...they never meant anything to happen, it just happened...then i hung up on him...i called him back saying "i just wanted to tell you that i never want to talk to you again" a little while later i also called Kerry at work and told her "i just wanted to let you know that i can never talk to you again. goodbye" the subtle differences are pretty important...at least to me...now, i shall go on for a good while about Keith saying they never meant for anything to happen...and while i don't know exactly what happened, i guess it's beyond a doubt something did...and i know Keith spent the night over at Kerry's wednesday night...(okay, SHE's driving him home DOWNTOWN while she lives a few blocks away, yet he's driving her car 'cuz she's too drunk to drive? and the way they were acting all night...i was on the verge of spitting in his face while sitting there at IHOP...but i left it to the possibility that it was my overactive imagination...) NOW, Keith has been trying to get into her fucking pants the whole time...he fucking TOLD shit to more than one friend about it..."i'm gonna try to do Kerry"...once, early on not too long after he came back, he even said to ME "i really wanna do Kerry...don't worry, i'd never try anything..." so i see...and jesus fucking christ he's more obvious around her than i fucking was! and the "sensetive guy" shit he tried to play around her always made me feel on the verge of vomiting...but i guess if she goes for shallow bullshit then she goes for shallow bullshit...i could fucking tell even if any of my other friends hadn't told me...but i tried to play it down...maybe my paranoid side is right more often than i give it credit for...and he has the nerve to try and tell me they didn't mean for anything to happen!? i don't know about Kerry's side...maybe SHE didn't maybe she did...but i sure as fuck know Keith was following her around w/ robocock the whole time...i just can't believe Kerry fell for his shit...he's a sneaky fucking sleaze...i always saw her as the antithesis of all that Keith stood for like that...that smooth male bullshit...i always considered her to be smart...a lot smarter than me...but Keith, as good a friend as i used to think he was, i never thought he was very smart...not a complete idiot, but far from bright...but i guess Kerry isn't as smart as i gave her credit for...i don't know how long this has been going on, but i also can't believe she lied to me..."i'm happy w/ the way things are" well acting like that sure as hell isn't going to keep things the way they are...my only regret would be if i loose touch w/ Adam...i wish i had his number...oh well...and i know i'm not mister perfect, innocent of any wrong...it's not like he stole her from me, as i never had her...i mean, if two ppl want each other in whatever way it's their fucking right...but when you fucking step on your friends to get there...god...it's the most stupid, cliche way for friendships to be destroyed and i HATE that i'm part of something like this...he KNEW what would happen but he still kept on after her...but if he's the better guy so be it...i guess i must not be that great if i'm worth throwing away over a fucking girl...i guess that's all i had to say, or at least can remember...