presentation

i was proud of myself because at work tuesday i didn't open my books once...i spent the whole time combing the article my presentation was on...it was pretty awesome when at 7:10 pm with less than an hour left one part that was eluding me, what they meant by "domain" finally clicked exactly...and the annoying thing is that all of it was pretty basic, just couched in so much jargon...none of the concepts were actually difficult, it was just sorting through to find out what they actually were to begin with...anyway, i also spent the day pretty much coming up with what i'd put on my powerpoint slides as well as sorting it all...so when i got home from work i didn't have to do much beyond put it on the computer...then i typed up my corresponding paper...so early in the day yesterday was getting my presentation ready...i pretty much dissected my article and reassembled it...it was a little frustrating because it all looks so simple and basic on my slides, like i didn't really do much work, but from where i was coming from it was a lot of work...oh well...i practiced speaking in front of Mary Beth...the first time was terrible...i knew the shit, but i'm no stranger to the complete disconnected between the brain and the mouth...anyway, the second attempt was much better but still messy...my third and final runthrough, ending just before i had to leave for class, was tight...i'd realized that i have to go fast, hit everything i had to talk about without spending any extra time or lingering or over-explaining, and my presentation would finish right at the 15 minute goal...i also learned the valuable lesson that if i start stumbling for any words and trailing off to just fucking leave it as best i can and move the fuck on...those awkward pauses are the worst and having a stupid word here and there is less obviously bad...unfortunately, when it came to my actual presentation i had to follow this advice more than i would have liked, but anyway...so there's class...unfortunately the presentations were not first...which is a shame, it was fuckin' ready at that point...but class went on...and on...exceeding the physical amount of time it would take the six people scheduled to each do a 15 minute presentation...i was doing okay at handling my nervousness, for me anyway, but at this point i'm getting really antsy...because i sure as fuck didn't wanna run out of time and have to wait til next week and hold this shit around for that long...i really wouldn't get more ready at that point, and waiting would make it so much worse...anyway, we finally get to go, one person ended up not doing theirs, i guess with the lack of time they agreed with the teacher to do it next week or whatever...at the point i finally go it's five hours later than i had last practiced...my actual presentation was not nearly as smooth or tight as my last practice-run...i knew it wouldn't be, being up in front of people would be different, but i know it would have been at least a little better without that long waiting...all in all it's probably the best presentation i've ever done (NOT saying much, i've always been terrible...terrible at speaking and not having my shit together to begin with...did i mention that public speaking is like my worst skill? the thing i about most hate in the world?) for the most part my rhythm was good...i did bumble a few parts, one point i completely lost a word i was looking for and knew...thankfully i never left too much empty space hanging and i just pushed forward...my speaking was mostly confident...i was really confident about it...not too many um's or anything, but there were some...don't really know how well the class followed or anything...everyone was aware of the lack of time and it being near the end of a near-five-hour class i'm sure were not in the most patient, receptive state of mind...there were no questions at the end, but no one asked questions for anyone's presentation tonight (everyone knowing the squeeze we were in, and not wanting to hang around out in millington approaching 10 pm)...so, i dunno exactly how well i did...i'd taken everything i was presenting apart to such an extent that i kind of lost any sense of what meant what and the whole actual speaking part is a blur in my memory...i know i looked down at the computer screen too much...i think, early on, i may have even gestured towards it unconsciously (the contents of said screen being projected to a large scale in front of the class, thus making any gestures at the actual computer screen i might have made obviously look ridiculous if they were noticed...) but anyway, IT'S OVER! i will still have to do a somewhat large paper for my observation (if i ever get approved in time) but for me the presentation was the biggest thing in the class...so my worries are lifted quite a bit...anyway, i finally went and got my car inspected this morning...i went somewhat early, i was there by 10:30, but the line was still atrocious...i don't know why when i took Mary Beth's car back in december i barely had any wait...i guess people just don't buy or acquire cars in december like they do in february...i'll keep that in mind when i let this car break down...i'll make it wait til december...