Loss

Well here we fucking are. I guess I'm reminded again at how bad I am at political analysis or prediction. But I guess for a bit there I had a little hope. But god this country is really such a piece of shit. I, I felt like I had more to say but now that I'm typing it I'm at a bit of a loss. I was mostly feeling pretty alright throughout the day yesterday but right as the first polling was about to end my body just dissolved into a mess of nerves. Then almost all the night I just sat here uselessly staring at the numbers coming in. It was a while before things started to seem bad at all. I finally just pulled myself away around 10:30 or 10:45 when things were still far from settled but not looking good. I got to where I could barely keep my eyes open so I went to bed but then I could not sleep at all. It was a good while before I did. After I did I can tell I slept pretty fitfully waking up here and there and tossing and turning and all that. And then I wake up to the news that I guess I was expecting. And just as I typed that, the tears have finally hit. I think I'm done talking about this bullshit. The only other thing is that yesterday I finished reading Boys Alive by Pier Paolo Pasolini. Hard to really think about anything right now.