ateolf | rantings

a few things i should've mentioned 24 hrs ago...1) on the way to the Hi-Tone for the Bardo Pond show, as i was driving past the Blue Monkey, this group of former-frat guys was crossing the street rather slowly and i sped past them just as they reached the other side...this one guy turned around all threateningly towards my car, acting like he was gonna kick its ass or something...i think my car could take him...stupid cunt...2) once again, the crowd at the show was fucking obnoxious...talking (as well as leaving early)...it fucking enfuriates me when ppl treat a show as a fucking social event...and the fact that ppl are having an "after-show" parking lot party makes me wish i had a gun and permission to kill whoever i fucking wanted...(yes, i'm exaggerating...but it's less funny when you don't exaggerate...) i hate loud ppl...hate them...i guess some are just social by nature...but as i'm quiet and spiteful, i have the right to hate them..."woo! a show! party!" fuck you...fucking die...(yes, none of them are reading this and i'm not actually talking to them...but it's dramatic effect, see...) yea...i'm done ranting about all those fuckers who deserve to die...

at work today, i asked Jolie how she did last night...she proceeded to tell me that she didn't go back in...she called a quarter 'til and Cat said that she had forgotten Josh was coming in at 12 and wouldn't need her...so i said something to the effect of "well since you didn't come back in i guess you won't be needing that $10 i gave you" she just gave a forced, snide laugh...fucking cunt...i mean, i did give her the money and i guess she has every right to keep it, but it's a matter of courtesy or whatever...if it had happeend to me, *i* would have given the money back...i'd bring it up first thing when i saw the person..."oh hey, it ended up that i didn't even have to worry about going back in anyway...here's the money back..." she clearly seems to find a measy $10 more important that a decent coworker relationship...so if that's the way she chooses to be, fine...she has the right...of course it carries the consequence of a poor coworker realtionship between myself and her...as a matter of fact, i hate her now...i'm not going to go out of my way to be a prick or anything...there was an instance today where i could have screwed her over on a run but didn't...but if it ever comes to being kind or doing a favor or anything she can fuck off...she's the one who chose to be a bitch in the first place...

well, i certainly didn't mean to rant about that THAT much...oh well...after work i went to Brad's...his mom and brother/his wife were over for some holiday festivities or something...when i got there they were watching this tape Brad, his brother, and their cousin had made when they were younger...Brad was 11 or so and his brother/cousin were a little older...driving age i guess...at least the cousin was...i dunno how much older than Brad his brother is...well, there's this one part: "When Harry Met Jimmy"...it starts off w/ Brad and the cousin in bed together, shirtless (blanket covering the lower-half...) semi-cuddling...a voice announces "if you thought Wild Orchid was hot, prepare to burn!" then it cuts to Brad on top of his cousin, riding him..."Take My Breath Away" starts playing...Brad even does the hands-behind-his-head maneuver...it's one of the most disturbing things ever...if i didn't already know Brad as the wacky 23 yr old he is, i'm sure it would've been much worse...i mean, the whole idea of 11 yr olds in a sexual context (when it's actually happening, not regular jokes about molesting little kids...those are funny...) is pretty damned creepy...Brad was pretty cool when he was younger...how little time changes...and to make things even more surreal, his mom was sitting there watching...i think she said something about it being horrible...to which Brad replied that it was the best movie ever...or something...while a game of Aggravation was played, i wrote the lyrics to the new New Orderish song that i sing/play bass on...it is now (i say "now" but i'd decided on the title a while back...) called "I Am not a Ghost"...i shan't ever be posting those lyrics here though...sorry, folks...i'm sure your hearts are broken...one cool thing, Brad's brother's dog Cordy was there...he rules...though Brad kept french kissing him...it was pretty disgusting...after a little while Brad's family left and Paul arrived home and we're about to leave to get Paul and then Jacques...but Brad feels that it's absolutely necessary to get online and post in his journal at this very moment...(!?) minutes ago he was all "i can't wait to practice!" but i guess he could wait after all...and after that he kept fucking around...dancing to Joy Division Shade was listening to instead of putting his fucking shoes on...it was a really good while before we even fucking left...i was already pretty bent...then we finally get gone and make it to the space...i think we are all in agreement that it was the band's singlemost worst practice ever...of course, we're trying to tune before we start and Brad's even worse w/ his not-stopping-banging-on-the-drums routine (which takes some effort 'cuz always bad about that...) finally we get started...i called work after we had halfway gone through a song once...maybe twice...they said i had to go back in...so i started getting ready to leave but i was called back and they said Jolie could come in...wow! the gods of thunder and rock and roll have smiled upon us! then we start trying to play the songs again...Brad couldn't play one single fucking measure w/out fucking up horribly...when asked, he said that he was tired...(i'd attribute it to being really drunk...but i don't even think that could account for fucking up that extensively...) Jacques had been awake far longer than he had and he wasn't whining or messing up...gee, maybe we could have practiced some BEFORE he was so tired had he fucking left right away and not fucked around...we tried to play two songs but we couldn't make it through either of them...Jacques finally said it wasn't working and we should just quit 'cuz it'd be more frustrating than anything to keep going on so badly tonight...i didn't disagree...(i flat out told Brad when he asked what was going on "you can't play a fucking beat so we're stopping"...so i'm not being sneaky or talking behind his back...i had even let him know how frustrated i was before we even left his house...) maybe i am being too harsh...but i take GREAT personal offense to this...it is fucking bullshit...he acts all into the band one minute, then less than an hour later he's all pissy and fucking off and ruining the fucking practice...i still love Brad, but the band can't function if this keeps up...i can't think of anyone i'd rather be in a band w/...'cuz he is a great friend and i do love playing w/ him...but when he doesn't even bother/at least not outwardly SHOWING his interest in the band (giving off a sense of DISinterest...) then something has to be changed...i'm hoping that he actually cares about the band as i think he really does and decides to let his behavior follow...i almost feel bad for being so negative towards him 'cuz he is such a great friend (i really don't joke when i say that i love him...i do, i love all my friends...and i consider him to be a really great friend...), but on the other hand he is fucking w/ what i feel is the best thing that we have going...it's not conceit...i honestly feel we have something worthwhile...we just need to work on getting it out there...writing really good music is no problem for us...it's just getting it heard by anyone else we're lacking in...and not even being able to play our own songs at our own practice certainly doesn't help matters any...